Relapse, recovery: A postscript.

I awoke in the middle of the night in a fit of panic. I got up and sat in my trusty reading chair and sobbed.

The day before, I’d written a blog on judgments, and here I was, judging myself. My shadow must’ve read it and thought it cute, because now he was pelting me with not only judgments but predictions, threats, and certainties. All crystal-clear, all logical facts—I’m a failure and I always will be.

I went back to bed and slept through some snoozes; and when I awoke, I felt like hell. When I got up, I took my shower and brushed. And then, looking in the mirror, I did something I’ve never done before after a sad bout like that:

I forgave myself.

I then meditated, scribbled, and went to my writing for the day. It’s essential to have a ritual like mine to get you through tough times, but it begins with forgiveness.

Friends, it’s not when things are going right but when they’re going wrong that you need your strength and courage. It’s when you’re rejected over and over by magazines and publishers that you must regain your focus. It’s lose your way when you need to take a breath and focus and fight back the day. Nobody is perfect, everybody messes up.

Right now I feel so proud for having won back the day. I refocused, told myself that I’m always learning and growing, and I moved on.

I’m not perfect. I admit that. And for a moment this morning, I felt like such a failure for writing a blog on judgments when I’d myself succumbed to them. But I didn’t succumb; I wrote this, didn’t I?

I’m not perfect, and neither are you. We shouldn’t want to be.

Forgive yourself and try again. It’s how we become whole.

Have a great day!

Create and Complete.

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