Furlough 44: Truth

Today’s writing session was a real grinder. I’m dead tired.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn’t get back to sleep so I ran on empty today. But it was a good thing, what kept me up last night.

Without going into too much detail, I came to a small crossroads with myself and really looked at myself and what was going on in my life. I accepted what I felt instead of falling into sadness or despair and blaming myself, and ended with telling myself the truths and not positivities.

Positivity is a tricky thing. It vacillates between self-delusion and self-fantasy. It’s main problem is that it makes a duality of yourself—all the “good” things and all the “bad” things, the good things being beneficial and the bad things detrimental.

The truth is just simply the truth, and it can derive from facts, as in “I am breathing right now, I am healthy right now, I am OK right now” to what I know myself to be right which is “I’m a flawed, messy human being that has all these different emotions but I know I’m good and beautiful and strong and doing my best”.

As long as it takes, as difficult as it’s going to be, I will learn to accept everything about myself, all of my virtues as well as vices, all my of goodness as well as the faults. even all the nasty and terrible things I feel about myself because I know that if I don’t accept them, they will eat me up. It may sting a little but the truth is what I seek.

Long story short, I did some good writing today. Now I’m going to take a nap haha.

Also, I wanted to ask you, if you have a second, to put a comment in my comment box on how you are doing and where you are from. I can’t wait to hear from you! I’m so grateful to have you as an reader. I’m doing this for you, remember.

Create and Complete!

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